I Do

So, I'm back.  Rosie sent me a friendly reminder that I hadn't blogged in, well, a long time.  So here I am.  I've been thinking about blogging, really, I have been.  Every time I sit down to the computer though, I have nowhere to begin.  So, I guess I'll start with the basics.  I'm married.  Yep, that's right, married!  Wasn't our wedding scheduled for next April 23rd, you might ask?  Why yes, and it still is.  Weren't you going to be married in the US, you're probably wondering?  Yes, we were, but we didn't.  I'll fill you in.

Pablo and I had been trying for months to figure out the best, safest, and quickest way for us to be together, living in the same place.  Which is made oh-so-easy by our government and their immigration laws (please, don't get me started).  We initially decided to take our chances and place our bets on the fiance visa , plan an April wedding, and keep our fingers crossed that he was here in time (sounds a bit like Vegas right?  Feels about the same too, I would venture...).

One Monday morning in May my mom called me to share a conversation she'd had with some friends of hers, friends who have direct experience in the immigration department.  It was their recommendation that we marry in Mexico, that the spouse visa is less of a chance to take.  My mom stated her case and threw the option out to me, knowing I had a trip planned for Mexico in less than 2 weeks.  I chewed it over and talked to my lovely fiance.  By Monday night we were in full plan mode, with me ring shopping with my best bud.  Could this actually work?  We had less than 2 weeks to get everything together. 

It happened to work out that my parents were leaving the very next day to Texas to move me back to Nebraska.  About halfway through Kansas (them, not me) I get a phone call from my mom.  They couldn't miss our wedding, and were coming to Mexico as well!  It was the best surprise.  By the time my parents got to my house (with a fun detour for mom's birthday surprise in Dallas) we had changed my ticket to leave from Texas, booked them tickets for the week, and bought wedding bands.

This was a risk we were taking.  After researching how to get married in Mexico, to a Mexican citizen, we knew the chances might not be good of us actually getting to marry due to immigration requirements and me needing government permission to marry.  But we kept working ahead.  We realized after my parents left that they would need their passports and my birth certificate with a fancy-schmancy apostille on it for international certification.  God works in mysterious ways, I know, because it just so happened that both my BC and my parents passports were sitting in a neat pile, in their NE apartment, on the table, right smack underneath the baby Jesus of my mom's year-long nativity set.  She had just found them a few weeks prior and set them out until she could put them properly away.  So, my great big brother and my sweet niece puppy set out to save the day, pick up the documents, drive to the state capital, get the apostille (which is literally one piece of paper STAPLED to the certificate...), and overnight the documents to TX (thanks Joe!). 

So in the span of four days, we had planned most of a wedding, gotten all documents together, planned international travel, gotten the most important rings and wedding outfit (the fun, white dress is for April), and on top of ALL of this, MOVED me and ALL of my things out of my apartment and into my tiny car and the back of my dad's pickup.  We drove to Houston to leave the truck with family and headed off to Mexico for the maybe-wedding.

Once we get to Mexico, the first thing we had to do was try to get this wedding legalized and moving.  That meant I had to stand in line and wait in downtown Mexico City for two days.  Luckily I had a letter saying that I was a students (thank goodness!) and a nice judge who told me the second day that he would get me the permission by the end of that day, but I had to wait for it.  So we waited, and waited, and waited.  But he was true to his word and gave me the permission I needed.  The next day it was off to the courthouse to schedule the judge and marriage ceremony.  He just so happened to have a travel opening for that Saturday at 2:30 where he could come to us.  Of course we said yes!

So on Saturday, June 5, 2010, at 2:30pm, we gathered with friends and family and a kind judge in the beautiful garden of a friend's house (thanks Ariel!!) and said I Do!  What wonderful words to speak and hear!  It was a beautiful day, with a few sprinkles for good luck, a lot of music and fun!  We were so blessed that everything worked out for us to celebrate the day with our families and move forward with our plans, and we can't wait to share another special day with our loved ones next April.

Wine Wednesdays

Wednesdays have recently become my favorite evening, thanks to a little something I like to call Wine Wednesday.  It happened randomly, my friend Rose invited me and another friend Megan over for dinner one Wednesday with her and her kiddos since she's husband-less during the week (Prac in Houston...I know all too well how fun that is...you're a trooper, Ben!).  We had a lovely dinner and enjoyed a glass of wine.  Ok maybe it was more, but the point is, it was fun.  Too fun.  We had to do it again, and since Wednesday worked that night, we just stuck with it, mainly out of laziness I suppose, but it works.  That night was such a success that we decided it should be tradition (If this town is good for one thing it's the ease of starting traditions.). 

Now, I've enjoyed a number of "Wednesday" activities.  "Working Women's Wednesday" was especially interesting (although, I still posit it should be "Wild Women's Wednesday" if not for the behavior than for the wealth of animal prints in attendance) but we steered clear of that one after a time or two.  Wine Wednesday is by far my favorite; and not for the wine, but for the wonderful friends, conversation, and fun.  I've just come from our third (we only got 3 in) weekly gathering It was even more special because it was Rose's birthday (Happy Birthday again, friend!). 

It's so funny to me that we wait until we have little time to spend all the time we can with the ones we love.  The countdown is on for my move (1 1/2 weeks...eek!) so I'm trying to fill every minute with memories and fun with my buddies here.  Rose and I have been asking the other these last few months, "why didn't we hang out sooner?"  I honestly don't know, but I know we both wish we had.  So one thing I'm starting to learn is this, don't wait to celebrate until time is running out.  Make the time now to enjoy the ones you love and the important people in your life. 

So while Wine Wednesdays are officially over for me (unless we do Wine Wednesdays on the Web?!? something to think about...), I've enjoyed this time so much and am so thankful for them.  I challenge you to think about how you are using your time.  Are you waiting for another day?  Because after all, there are only so many Wednesdays, don't miss out!

Waiting and Waiting

I remember a poem I memorized in 1st grade about Christmas.  It detailed the preparations we go through and after each stanza, the most important, "but most of all, we wait, and wait."  How fitting.  I remember those days well, filled with anticipation...they dragged on. 

It's funny how we remember things like this, and how they are still pertinent today, 20 years later.  I feel like I'm in a perpetual 12 Days of Christmas, just waiting and waiting....and waiting.  Some things I've been waiting for longer than others.  I submitted a job application today, I'm waiting to hear back.  I waited this whole past year waiting to hear about the next piece of information on where I'd be this year.  I'm still waiting to figure that out exactly and have the additional benefit of another year of waiting before my questions from last year will be answered.  All of the next steps of my life are starting to show themselves a bit, but without much clear direction.  But most of all, I'm waiting to be in the same place, the same country even, as Pablo. 

We've been together a year and a half, and known each other for over 5 years.  If you were to add all of the days we've spent together it would sum to less than a few months.  That means that in the 5 years we've known each other, about 4 1/2 (and counting) were spent at least a plane ride apart.  It makes it easier never having lived in the same place, we don't know fully what we're missing.  But I wouldn't call this fun.  Especially these days.  I have waaaayyy too much time on my hands.  20 hours of work aren't enough to keep me busy, I have no school work (dissertation? what's that?), and my roomies are gone leaving me a quiet house.  This is nice for a while, but I can't help but wish Pablo was here, cuddled next to me on the couch, helping me cook dinner, here to talk with me about our days.

All of this waiting is getting old.  But, it helps me to know that there's an end in sight (hello, April wedding!) and that I've got fun things planned for when I get home.  But I am so ready to stop waiting.  So while I'll go through all of the preparations for each new step and have some fun along they way, I know that most of all, I'll wait and wait.

My Super Successful and Productive Saturday and Me

Today I woke up at 6am (a gigantic feat), got dressed and my teeth brushed and ready to walk out the door to babysit when my phone started blasting music from the Twilight soundtrack...yes, it was my lovely friend Darlene (super Twilight fan and the wonderful mother to my charges for the day) calling to let me know that the swim meet was cancelled and I was not needed and could go back to bed.  Now I love those kids, but I also love my sleep, so, I wasn't too disappointed and fell back back into an easy sleep.  After all, I had a late night last night (midnight!) after seeing Letters to Juliet (cheesy cornball of a movie, but fun) with good buddies.

Then I woke up at 11.  Now for most people, this doesn't seem so productive.  But in my true procrastinator-style (or incubation as I like to view it), this is the best start I could have hoped for as I can use my time more efficiently (yes, this is actually my argument).  I had big plans on my list for the day--1) breaking out the non-existent technical skills to make use of an unopened birthday present (my birthday is in January) and 2) increasing my cultural awareness with a little SATC (Sex and the City if you're currently living under a rock; season 1 to be specific).  I try to include diverse interests in my Saturdays.

I recently acquired seasons 1 and 2 of SATC.  Until today they were both unopened thanks to that lovely thing we call grad school.  So still in my pjs, I ventured to the couch to start out my day (notice I didn't say morning) with cosmos (them, not me, although not an entirely bad idea) and 4 lovely ladies.  It was fabulous.  About halfway through disc 1 I started to get antsy.  Maybe I should break out the tools and try this present.

For my birthday, my entirely too sweet (and handsome, and wonderful, I could go on for a while so I'll spare you) fiance gifted me with an iPod hookup thingy for my car.  I don't know the real word for it so I hope you know what I mean.  Since I'm getting ready to embark on a 13+ hour moving trip, I thought it was time.  Well, just opening the box made me nervous.  I'm not so good with technical stuff and this thing provided me with a million different connection options.  My brother is my go to person for all computer questions, but even this was out of his knowledge base.  So, I tried the only thing I knew how...Google.  And I was surprisingly disappointed.  I found nothing that was even remotely helpful in my search for how to connect this thing to my car.  I was on my own. 

I started in my trunk, that's where my CD player is.  That didn't work.  I took my radio actually OUT of the console trying to find an antenna input (thanks to Google and metal hangers for this one, and seriously, where is that plug in??).  That didn't work (but thank God my radio still works).  So I went for the last option, hooked up all the wires, routed them through my car, and surprisingly, IT WORKED!  I still can't believe it.  So now I have a fancy iPod connection to my car.  I'm moving up in this world!  Special thanks again to Pablo...I'm happy I was finally brave enough to try this! 

With that achievement I thought it only wise to reward myself with more SATC and revel in my technical prowess.  And at the end of the day, I have successfully checked both off my list.  And all that having woken up at 11.  Sometimes I amaze myself...

So tell me, what did you do today??

Goodbyes and See-You-Laters

My German friend leaves today.  We've spent a night to two each week for the last few months working  at a local coffehouse on our respective dissertations and projects (aka observing extremely awkward first dates while we stare blankly at our computer screens), eating lots of Mexican food (her fave and a rarity in Germany), and shopping.  After leaving a farewell party for her last night we started talking about goodbyes.  I was so surprised when she said, "well, it's not a goodbye, it's a see you later," in her matter-of-fact German way.  I thought, that's my family's slogan!  How did she know?  Goodbyes don't always have to be forever.  So I got to thinking last night after we exchanged our hugs, gifts (for her a cozy flight pillow and for me Eat, Pray, Love audio book), and "see you laters" how very true those words are.

I've done the farewell thing often enough in my day.  They're usually sad (though not always true) but goodbyes have always seemed too final.  While occassionally it doesn't work out to stay in touch with a long-distance friend, oftentimes what seems like a goodbye is really a see you later.  So that's my policy, learned from my family.  While it's heartbreaking to say farewell knowing it will be months or years before we see each other again, a see you later calms it a bit, knowing that for sure, I will see them later.  It doesn't take away all of the hurt or sadness of the farewell (see Mexico airport departures...), and tears are still welcome, but it helps knowing that person will be there another day, another time, ready to greet you with open arms and continue right where you left off.

Many of you know that I'll be exchanging a lot of "see you laters" as well as goodbyes in the coming weeks.  Now, I'm not going to dwell on this too much as I still have two weeks left to enjoy, but after four years here it's hard not to get sentimental at the thought.  I've developed some of the best friendships I've had, been included as family, and watched my friends' children grow.  So suffice it to say that when the truck and all of my things (myself included) leave town in two weeks, a piece of my heart and my love will be staying here.  There will be some goodbyes, those people I know I will never see again unless by chance.  But I know that for those others, those special ones who have invited me into their homes, their lives, their families, and their hearts, it's just a see-you-later.  We will see each other soon, one day, because that connection is too meaningful for me to separate.

Wabi-Sabi and my truly brilliant mom

Let me start this post by saying that my mom is awesome.  Truly and utterly amazing, and not just in a "my mom is better than your mom" kind of way (that was cute when we were 6), but in an "I want to grow up to be like her" kind of way.  Considering the fact that she raised three of us (and we didn't turn out too badly if I say so myself) before she and my dad took on the task of raising 53 kids and counting more through a youth care program (not all at once), she's obviously got some great experience in the mom department.  So you'd think I'd be used to her ingenious surprises by now, but I was shocked when she pulled this one out of her hat--wabi-sabi.

Now, you're probably asking yourself the same thing I did, "don't you mean wasabi?"  I actually did ask her that in my moment of shock, I can be such a skeptic.  But she was absolutely correct, it is wabi-sabi.  I found this after I googled it.  And right at my feet, delivered a la my awesome mom, was the perfect concept for what I am seeking.  Check out the Wikipedia version here. Wabi-sabi is a Japanese perspective on beauty with some Buddhist values thrown in.  It focuses on the transient, imperfect, developing nature of all things, beauty included.  It's the idea that the imperfections are what make us beautiful, we learn from the experience as it happens, and we connect to the world at a simplistic, experiential level.  What a great way to explain my goals for this year.  I'm really hoping to connect with my world and myself through new challenges, and to grow from those challenges.

Wow.  I'm wabi-sabi-ing (can I use it as a verb? well, I just did...wabi-sabi that).  Let me know your thoughts on wabi-sabi, how you see it.  I'm interested to know.

On another note, I'm coming up with some fun things to try.  Any suggestions?  My mom, awesome as she is, suggested we make a girls day a couple times a month to volunteer at a soup kitchen (hello, awesome!), learn to knit, and start a book club.  I'm thinking along the lines of 5K training and trying to surf.  All ideas are welcome!

With that I'll leave you to your own contemplations.  Peace and wabi-sabi.

What is failure anyway?

So some people don't like that I've called myself a failure in the title.  I've gotten such sweet comments as to suggest I'm an adventurer, not a failure, or my personal favorite, an anomaly (...um, thanks dad ;) ).  There's more to it than the self-deprecation blog-land allows.  Let me explain. 

When I first started this whole grad school process, I thought having to take another year was THE worst thing that could happen along the way.  It was something I had feared from the very first mention of the word.  So when it happened, that's exactly what I felt--a failure.  Now yes, there were other feelings along the way (including some great conversations with my grandma about her seeking vengance for me with her cane.  If you know my grandma then this makes sense.  If not, just imagine it, she'll be 90 this summer...) but failure was the main one.  And then I stopped.  Really, was this such a big deal in my life?  Yeah, it sucks, but THE worst thing that could happen?  No.  In fact, I'd already had an enormous wakeup call in my family with a record-breakingly huge spleen and a little unknown-to-me chromosome named after a Pennsylvania city (or a cream cheese, your call) earlier in the year.  It took me about .5 seconds to put it all together.  Granted, I let myself indulge in the self-pity I felt and the other-pity I was getting, but my perspective was changed.

Let's face it, we all fail.  Every day we fail at things big or little.  And if you're not failing, you're not taking enough risks.  For me, this is just about facing and embracing that failure, not catastrophizing it, and having fun doing it.  So I'm proud to say it, I'm a failure, everyday, and I will continue to be.  But I am always thankful for the ones in the background trying to prove me wrong.

A Year in the Life of a Failure

I'm starting a new year in my life. No, it's not related to my birthdate or astrological sign. It's not New Year's Eve or Chinese New Year or even Easter. It's just a random day in May. But, I'm getting ready to enter into a new year. Having finished my Ph.D. coursework (ahem...last week, thankyouverymuch) and unable to begin the next phase of professional development until next year thanks to a remarkable imbalance in the system that determines my life, or well, career at least, I have been gifted a year. A WHOLE year! A year of nothingness, with no real responsibilities or expectations. I'm caught in the unknown in-between. I'm calling it my year of failure.

As someone who went straight through Kindergarten (I was a preschool dropout) to Ph.D. studies (21 years of school in all), I've heard the urban legends and stories of people who "take a year off." Most of these involve "finding oneself." Now, I'm 26. I have a general idea of who I am and what I want to do with myself and my life. I know where I live and can even show you on a map. This is not one of those blogs about finding yourself. Instead, I wanted to take what was at once a gigantic professional failure for me (seriously, having to take ANOTHER year?? Four haven't been ENOUGH?) and turn it into something productive, or at least enjoyable. Now, if you know me, this isn't too unusual. I'm generally a glass-half-full kind of person. But I want this to be something bigger than that. Many of my friends are already members of blog world. I enjoy reading them, and thought, hey, I can do this...maybe. So here I am. I struggled for a while to come up with a name for this blog. I kept trying to think of something witty and catchy, with enough drama and grace to be respectable. I failed. So instead, I thought of the purpose of the blog, redefining the failure into something enjoyable and went with that (it's ironic that I failed at my first task of my failure blog, but we'll leave that at that...).

So here's the deal. I'm taking this year to do as many new things as I can, explore, have adventures, and most likely, make mistakes and fail. I have a year to do everything I've always wanted to do that doesn't really matter, and I couldn't be more excited. At the end of this year, I will be embarking on the biggest adventure of my life so far--I'll be marrying the man I love--so I'm using all the little adventures to prepare me for the big one. Feel free to follow along, whether you're a cheerleader hoping I'll make it or a bit of a sadist hoping I won't, you'll probably get a bit of each.